Assignment Twelve: Sam Clark

I do not negotiate with terrorists. Never have, never will. End of story. This one fact is all my roommate needs to know about me. It encapsulates my entire being, my raison d’etre. It shows that, if placed in a situation in which I had the opportunity to negotiate with terrorists, I would abstain. It shows that I am the kind of man who looks evil incarnate in the face and says “No, we’ll be having none of that today.” It shows, in short, that I am a man who will stand up for freedom, liberty, and fraternity without exceptions.  Of course, my devotion to all things true may tarnish my relationship with my roommate. If he condones negotiations with terrorists, I cannot tolerate him, for anyone willing to cooperate with a terrorist enables some facets of terrorism to escape into the world. Ergo, the cooperator is a terrorist. Ergo, I cannot negotiate (speak, work with, live with, etc.) with him. In such a fraught political world, it may seem unlikely that I will room with someone who completely agrees with me. Hopefully though, those of us who follow the truth shall be placed together.